Adoption and Being Real

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Gold Medal Winning Gymnast, Simone Biles

I’m an Olympics junkie. The tv or computer (or both) run constantly during those two weeks, anxiously awaiting the next exciting event. I’ve uncovered a love for women’s rugby during the summer, and can’t wait to catch up on curling when the winter games roll around. I’m fortunate that my daughter enjoys watching much of the games with me, although gymnastics is her favorite for the summer games. Ava was a gifted gymnast in elementary and middle school, and maintained the skills throughout years of cheerleading. We turned up the tv for the qualifying round Sunday night, ready to see Simone Biles’ domination. We cheered with her teammates and parents. Except not all the commentators saw the event the same way we did.

“Simone Biles’ grandparents…” was the usual talking point. Al Trautwig even tweeted that they were not her real parents, even though they legally adopted Biles as a very young child. They are the only parents she has ever known, legally, spiritually, and emotionally. Biles speaks about how her family came to be, and has said “It’s so normal.”

As my daughter and I sat on the couch, watching tv and the twitter feed, I told her how irritated the dismissal of adopted families made me. “I’m your real mom, and you are my real daughter.”

“I know. Some people are just stupid.” Ava shrugged it off, but I’m still irritated. Just like Biles, a family being formed by adoption is normal for my daughter. Yet, I’ve spent 18 years explaining that I love my child who was adopted just like I love my child to whom I gave birth. I’ve spent 18 years explaining that I am Ava’s “real” mom, just not her birth mom. I’ve spent 18 years explaining that we are like any other mother and daughter, even though we are of different races and came together in a less than common manner.

As a person of faith, I believe adoption is the highest form of parenting. The New Testament (Romans 8) proclaims that we are all adopted by God – loved and cared for as God’s own child. And even when we have birth children, we have to “adopt” that baby – promising to love and care for that child. We know of too many parents who don’t “adopt” their birth children, instead offering neglect or intentional abuse.

My daughter summed it up nicely, “Some people are just stupid.” And some people are just mean. Al Trautwig doubled-down before he finally apologized. I don’t know if he has learned anything from this. I don’t know if non-adoptive adults will stop making insulting statements to adoptive families. (“Do you love her like you do your own child?” “How much did you pay for her?” “I guess kids who are adopted have all sorts of problems.”)

It is more challenging being part of an adoptive family – the challenge comes from others who don’t understand what it is truly to love someone for her own sake, regardless of how she came into your life. The challenge comes from a lack of Christian charity and compassion, and the desire to make everyone over in their own likeness.

As God has adopted us, so adoption is the highest form of parenting. I’ve adopted both my kids – birth and adopted, alike. I hope Al Trautwig and others like him will realize families formed by are adoption are real and normal. Otherwise, it’s just plain stupid.

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Depending on the Kindness of Strangers

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The Delaware Memorial Bridge over the Delaware River

“I’ve always depended on the kindness of strangers.” This telling phrase from Blanche DuBois, as embodied by Vivien Leigh, suddenly popped into my head in the middle of a dark night. My tired accent was probably close to the Southern Belle’s as I explained my lack of cash to a perhaps equally tired attendant in a toll booth on the New Jersey Turnpike. I had been awake for close to 24 hours on my journey home from a lovely and thought-provoking 10 days in Scotland and England. Unfortunately, the last leg of my flight had been cancelled, along with numerous other flights, and it well looked as if it would be two more days before I could walk through my own door. I decided an 9 hour drive would be preferable to a couple days spent in the Newark Airport, waiting to see if I made the standby cut. Rental car steering wheel in hand, I turned onto the Turnpike at 1am, guided by the gps on my cell phone. I had never driven I-95 north of Maryland, but I figured I was capable since I had just been navigating foreign countries. I hurtled into the night, feeling pretty good about my resourcefulness. I blasted the air conditioning and radio, continuing my burst of confidence, until I realized I was singing along with Carrie Underwood “Before he sleeps” instead of the correct words. (The man was a cheater, not sleep-deprived.) The first toll-booth added a couple more holes in the armor of assurance I wore. With only credit cards and British pounds, I counted myself quite lucky the attendant took pity on me and let me use a card to pay at a cash-only booth. I managed to find the $4 fee for the next booth in the various pockets of my backpack, but wasn’t quite sure how I would manage the subsequent stops.

A handful of other cars zoomed around me, but the night was dark and quiet. At least it was until a huge monstrosity loomed before me. “Holy s*%#!” erupted from my mouth, a phrase I do not believe I have ever uttered in my life. (In all honestly, it would be uttered a few more times before I arrived home the following afternoon.) In the shadows, an enormous monolith reached to the heavens, and I couldn’t see a sign anywhere that told me what the heck was going on. I quickly found myself careening over a massive bridge, quite terrified.  (pictured above – but imagine it was really, really dark;  you’re sleep-deprived; and you have an irrational fear of really high bridges) The bridge phobia can be blamed on my family, who decided to have an outing when I was a teen to see the campy horror movie, Happy Birthday to Me. While my family laughed, I was horrified at the lobotomy which took place when a car failed to make a drawbridge.

By the time I navigated what I later realized was the Delaware Memorial Bridge, I needed a break. I found myself at a Comfort Inn just north of Baltimore a little after 3. The night clerk checked me in, providing some basic necessities I lacked. I slept like a rock until 7:30am, when my body decided it was really Sunday afternoon and time to be awake. I went to check out, hair still wet from my shower, and asked the desk clerk how many more tolls were ahead of me, hoping I could come up with a solution to my lack of US cash on a Sunday morning. I rattled on about my adventures since returning to the States, and she marveled that I was able to use a credit card at a toll booth. “I have something in the back that can help,” she added and disappeared through a door. She returned in a moment, holding out a $10 bill. “You only have 2 more booths, and this will cover it.” I protested, but she insisted. (Yes, customer service knows about this stellar employee.)

I made it home safely 7 hours later. I don’t know if it was stress, exhaustion, or just the elongated vowels and blondish hair – but numerous perfect strangers were graciously kind and generous.

And isn’t that what life should be all about? The Hebrew Scriptures have a large focus on Hospitality. In a day and age where life was dangerous and often scary, any decent person would welcome the stranger, providing shelter, food, and protection. It shames me that so many in our bountiful country speak out of fear, not wanting to be in community with those who are perceived as different. We can expect our loved ones to care for us, but it’s the strangers who need our love the most. Thank goodness for that dependence. It’s what makes us truly human, and brings out the best in each one of us.

The Depths of Winter

a cold January day at an old Irish cemetary

a cold January day at an old Irish cemetary

My daughter and I had a recent conversation about “winter music.” As we drove around in my car, I yet again forced her to listen to Sting’s If On A Winter’s Night. She didn’t seem to mind, but was curious why I was still listening to Christmas songs and it was after January 6. (We do observe the full 12 days of Christmas in my home.) I shared that throughout the centuries, people had songs they would sing during the dark, short days of winter, and this was the music Sting honored with his album. That definitely included some tunes about the Christmas story, but winter was broader than just 12 days.

I acknowledge I am like much of our society when I want to skip winter, unless it involves a pretty snow that is easily drivable in a day or two. It seems Christmas is about bringing as much happiness and light into the world as we can, and then we immediately turn to Valentine’s Day where love reigns supreme, and then we immediately skip to swimsuit season. Unless we enjoy winter sports, we try our best to ignore the short, gray days, and the sadness that can often accompany them. When Sting gave interviews about his winter music, he discussed the importance of diving into winter and embracing what it means spiritually. When we just try to survive it – to skitter through in anticipation of bright, sunny days – then we miss an important aspect of life.

In the past couple decades, our society seems to have become more and more obsessed with being happy. The pursuit of happiness appears to take precedence over anything else in our lives. We don’t see the value in things which don’t make us happy. Many years ago I met with my wise spiritual director, Susan, and I can remember telling her that I just wanted to be happy. She responded, “Perhaps wanting to be peaceful might be a better option. Happiness can be superficial, and doesn’t really speak to your soul.”

Peace can only come when we really face the gray days of winter. If we try to ignore those times in our lives, we will not truly know peace. I invite you this winter to observe a full winter. Find times of quiet. Reflect on the purpose of your life. Embrace the darkness, knowing that it will shed light on the easier days. Dive into winter – the cold, the lack of light, the isolation – and look into what your soul says to you. We will definitely appreciate the warmth more fully when it comes, and be able to grasp the deep peace which truly does bring joy into our lives.

Certainty is the Devil

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“Certainty is the Devil.” So states JD Richter, as portrayed by Jeffrey Dean Morgan, in the Halle Berry fronted series, Extant. Extant is produced by Steven Spielburg’s Amblin Entertainment. When Oscar winner Berry was attached to the series, it make a stir in the entertainment community. The sci-fi concept is set in the future, with Berry as an astronaut who finds herself connected with aliens, and possibly an alien invasion. Government conspiracies and threats of totalitarian rule soon ensues.

The show was a bit slow in its inaugural season, but the addition of Morgan and a revamped story line made it a must see this summer. The season finale airs tomorrow night. Morgan is his usual compelling self – this time a renegade bounty hunter with a better sense of justice than anyone in power. He has proved an excellent complement to the brilliant and heartfelt astronaut, Molly Woods. One aspect the series has relayed so well is the gray areas in the world, especially in regards to government, politics, protectionism, and what it means to be human. The near future, as many conveniences as it offers, is not an Eden where technology and science have made it easy to know right and wrong. If anything, moral certainty seems even further removed from reality. It is the people who have no room for doubt who make the biggest mistakes. And thus Richter offers the aphorism, “Certainty is the Devil.”

I can’t help but think of Kim Davis, the Kentucky Clerk of Court who has violated a court order to fulfill the responsibilities of her government position and issue marriage licenses because her brand of Christianity does not believe people of the same gender should be married. She is as certain as the day is long. This is the case in spite of being on her fourth marriage, and having conceived by one man while married to another.

Certainty is the Devil. Even Jesus seemed to realize this. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is that of the Syro-Phoenician woman (Mark 7:24-30). She is a non-Jewish woman with a critically ill daughter. She begs Jesus to heal her daughter, but he tells her that he has come for his own people. Who cannot think of the refugee and immigration crises around the world today when reading these words? Yet, she refutes his lack of concern for her plight, and he changes his mind. Yes, the Son of God, recognizes this foreign woman as a child of God and changes his mind. Her daughter is healed.

Jesus himself understood certainty was of the devil.

History is filled with stories of people who are certain, who refuse to listen to the experiences of others. Their certainty takes precedence over law, social norms, reason, experience, or relationships. It is the story of men who knew they were created in God’s image and should rule over women, who were seen as only a poor imitation of men. It is the story of people who found verses in the Bible that justified enslaving hundreds of thousands of people due to skin color. It is the story of people who want to protect people like themselves, regardless of the dire situations of other humans. It is the story of people who believe they alone know right and wrong, and that others should follow their dictates.

Of what am I certain? I am certain that each and every person in the world is a child of God and should be treated as such. I am certain that not one of us is God and fully knows what God thinks. I am certain that each one of us will find ourselves surprised in the great beyond to learn about some of God’s ideas that we have chosen to ignore. I am certain I don’t have all the answers, but I am called to struggle with the difficulties of the human condition and the big issues in the world. Certainty is the Devil.

Felicity Smoak – Role Model

A couple years ago I started watching a new show on the CW network, Arrow. I watched for one reason alone – John Barrowman. Barrowman starred as Captain Jack Harkness on BBC’s Dr. Who and Torchwood. It was a great character, and I figured his presence alone was a good reason to give this little comic book show a try. I enjoy action movies, and I can recognize Stan Lee, but I know nothing of this particular comic series.

The show immediately engaged me apart from Barrowman’s presence, and the appearance of a new character, Felicity Smoak, several episodes in had me riveted to the television. Apparently, this character does not exist in the comic world, and was meant to be a one-off, but the response by fans was so positive that Emily Bett Rickards quickly became a series regular. Smoak is a beautiful blond, but this fact is superfluous to her character. She is a genius-level tech whiz. She can hack anything on earth in just a few seconds, and throw in some amusing asides while barely batting an eye.

Felicity falls for the lead character, Oliver. Since she’s the geeky tech girl, and other women seem to catch Oliver’s eye, the audience could only ship these two. That was until the end of last season, when we realized Oliver was a smart man after all and fell for Felicity. This is tv, so naturally the course of true love does not run smoothly. Felicity yet again proves that she is not the typical young woman on an action show. She loves Oliver, but she also loves herself. Oliver is an imperfect hero, and makes plenty of mistakes. And you know what? Felicity is not going to allow her life to be ruined by the man she loves. Oliver decides to join forces with the evil Merlin (for good reasons, but does the end truly justify the means?), and Felicity wisely refuses to be part of it. She reminds Oliver of what happens to the women he loves, especially when he strays from the path of goodness and integrity, and she refuses to be a woman he loves who gets destroyed.

I literally cheered at the tv when she took her stand. I have always loved this character, but how many times have we seen stories where the women love the guys regardless of any stupid or risky actions. They practically sing “Stand by your man.” Romantic love is the most important thing. Reason is trumped by love, even to ruin or death.

Felicity loves herself enough to know that she deserves better. She deserves a man who will act with integrity. She deserves a man who will not ask her to go against her conscience. Yes, she loves Oliver – but this by no means negates the love she has for herself. Felicity is a role model. She’s proud of her smarts. She has a great sense of humor. She works hard. She expects a great deal from herself and from others. And she will not settle for anyone less that who she really deserves.

I love Felicity Smoak.

Seeing oneself as a hero – a Theological Interpretation

Thank you, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, for once again providing an evening filled with humor, truth, wit, and insight at the 2015 Golden Globes. I oftentimes get bored during awards shows, especially when I haven’t seen most of the fare which has been nominated, but last night kept my attention for the entire three hours. Part of it was that gifted duo of hosts, part was watching with my teen daughter and explaining things that were out of her realm of understanding (and hearing her talk about how lucky Fey and Poehler’s kids were to have the coolest moms anywhere – no offense taken on my part), but the biggest part for me was the affirmation of people who were not considered mainstream being celebrated in Hollywood.

Women last night once again proved they bring the funny. They proved they are more than the designer they wore. They spoke about rape culture and changing the discourse. They celebrated the trans culture. They spoke about freedom of expression. Common, co-winner with John Legend of best song for “Glory” in the movie Selma, identified himself as the woman on the back of the bus needing a seat, as the kid needing a hand when he received a bullet, and as a cop being shot in the line of duty. They spoke about unity and the right to self-expression. And one woman spoke about being a hero. Gina Rodriguez, star of the new CW show, Jane the Virgin, surprised many by winning best actress in a TV Comedy. It was the first award of the night, and left me in complete tears. “This award is so much more than myself. It represents a culture that wants to see itself as heroes.”

Heroes – not as outsiders, interlopers, immigrants, undocumented, unwanted, a drain on a white nation of heroes modeled after John Wayne. Heroes.

One of the best parts of the Gospel message is that Jesus was an unexpected hero. He hailed from the backwoods of Galilee, born of unwed parents, lived in poverty, hung around with some dodgy sorts, and angered the righteous, upright citizens who had all the power. He came for the outcasts – the ones neglected, abused, or cast away by good society. He came for those who lived on the fringes, denied access or acceptance. He confided in and trusted people who were seen as unworthy or unimportant – women, non-Jews, puppets of the Empire, lepers, and so many more. Jesus told each person they were a special child of God, loved by God. He told them they were meant to be a hero.

One thing I love about my job is the great diversity of the young women with whom I work. I am thrilled to see a young Latina woman, the first in her family to go to college, realize she can be a hero. Even if she still gets mistaken for a maid when she stays at a hotel to present a paper for an academic conference, even if some men only want to talk about her body, even if people assume she is undocumented – she is a hero, and she will inspire me and countless others.

Thank God for the heroes, and for the ones who teach me everyday.

Country Music, Women & God

I’m proud of my roots. I am a native of the North Carolina mountains and have many fond memories of my childhood. I particularly loved the only radio station we could always get – no matter what cove or valley we drove through – an AM station that played a lot of country, some rock n’roll, and even the occasional disco item. Country music in particular was the background noise of my childhood. Some of the songs were hysterical and cheesy – think “Convoy” – but many were always filled with a variety of life situations and a range of characters. There was also the standard fare – tough lives, drinking, rural living, and God.

In recent years, country music seems to be dominated by boys (and I use the word intentionally) who write about trucks, hot young women in tiny outfits, and drinking. “Bro- country” is the term that has been coined by music critics, and I am certainly not alone in my disdain for the one note that is filling the country airwaves. Young country phenom Kacey Musgraves famously spoke about this last summer when she said singing about trucks should be outlawed. The interesting thing about country music, and particularly bro-country, is that it still pays homage to the Christian faith, which is inconsistent with the themes of the preponderance of these songs.

My favorite country music song of late is “Girl in a Country Song” by Maddie & Tae. These two young newcomers provide great insight into the way women have by and large been relegated to sex objects in the world of country music today. Women in these songs are passive observers, simply there to be desired by the male protagonist. There are exceptions to this overbearing dominance in country music today – Miranda Lambert, Carrie Underwood, The Band Perry, Zach Brown Band, and a smattering of others. I’m by no means the first one to be irritated (to say the least) by this disturbing trend the past decade. However, one of the things I find most troubling is country music’s belief that it is intricately connected to Christianity. At the heart of Christianity is the belief that each and every person – no matter what gender, race, culture or orientation – is a child of God and should be treated with respect, honor and love. And how is that possible when women are seen only as objects, relegated to the lower status of “girls,” and celebrated for wearing skimpy outfits while putting up with bad-boys? Would any Christian parent (or any decent parent of whatever faith tradition) truly want their daughters to aspire to such things?

I certainly understand that a certain number of songs (in any genre) will be written about a physical attraction and desire, but when this is the overwhelming theme played on today’s country stations, there is a problem. Someone who truly purports to be of the Christian faith will recognize that each person (male and female) is created in God’s image, and is thus worthy of respect. Let’s hope Kacey Musgraves, Maddie & Tae, and others will continue to speak and be heard in their quest for better quality country music that truly reflects an egalitarian and respectful society, for people of whatever faith background.

Captain America: The Nature of Good and Evil

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My daughter and I are active participants in the Marvel Universe. We have seen all the movies, and even watched most episodes of ABC’s Agents of Shield. Captain America is perhaps our favorite of the superheroes, so we were anxious to see the new installment, Captain America: The Winter Soldier. The movie certainly did not disappoint.

Captain America (Steve Rogers) was a soldier with the Greatest Generation in the first movie. He felt certain he was battling evil, in the guise of Nazi Germany, during WWII. Rogers found himself frozen at the conclusion of a battle, only to be awoken 70 some years later in our current day. He spends the early part of this new movie struggling with the nature of good and evil. Is he working for the “good guys?” Is he really fighting evil? Does the end justify the means? Without spoiling the movie, let me state that these answers are never resolved, but it is refreshing to hear a hero struggle with those concerns, especially in a summer tent-pole action movie.

As Rogers discovers that Shield (the agency for whom he works) has the ability to spy on every single person on the globe, he is concerned that the actions evolve from fear, not freedom. Much has been written in theological circles since 9/11 about the culture of fear which now pervades society. Countless freedoms have been eradicated based upon fear from real or perceived threats.

Fear is intricately tied to an understanding of good and evil. When we place ourselves solely in the “good guys” camp, it is easy to demonize another person or group as evil, or “the bad guys.” As long as we are the good guys, then whatever we do is necessarily right, and conversely so for the bad guys. We can do no wrong, and some might even say that is the case because God is on our side. When we demonize another, we live in fear of that person. All our actions are based out fear, because we believe the other is evil.

My district superintendent (my boss, and an extension of the bishop in my judicatory) gave me some sage advice during my first appointment at a local church. I was in the midst of a situation rife with deceit and misinformation, some from very long term members of the church. He could not have been a better support, and gave me books to read about church conflict and about the nature of evil. Evil had always felt like a distant entity – Nazi Germany, for instance. Yet, sometimes it can encompass individuals. I am always very careful about naming something as evil – it is a very damning thing to do, and naturally places me in the position of God. Yet, Fred told me one thing I have never forgotten – When we battle evil, we have to be extremely cautious, because it can easily encompass us as well.

There is real evil in the world. Each person has the capacity to commit acts of great good or great evil – it depends upon being in the right or wrong circumstances. Living a life based upon fear much more easily allows that evil to encompass us, to guide our decisions. Captain America: The Winter Soldier powerfully illustrates that point. The movie ends with Rogers, still greatly conflicted about the nature of good and evil in this world, but certain about one thing. He remains convinced that there is good in the world, and that redemption is a real possibility. I look forward to seeing how he follows that belief in future installments.

Better Together/Be Blue Day

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People are wearing every shade of blue on college campuses across the nation today. Duke blue, Carolina blue, teal, aqua, and everything in between. Each year Interfaith Youth Core sponsors an annual day to take a stand against religious intolerance. Wearing blue means that one supports interfaith dialogue and shows respect for people of different faith traditions. Students are especially encouraged to find volunteer projects they can do together. Having a common goal – especially helping make the world a better place – is always a good way to build community.

College campuses are a perfect place to deepen one’s spiritual journey. Students are removed from the pressures of their homes, and can’t rely on being parasites of their parents’ faith. My mom once told me that the unexamined faith is not worth having. The independence of a collegiate setting provides the opportunity to delve more fully into one’s own faith – what do I believe, why do I believe it, how does this impact my life and the lives of others around me. The spiritual journey hits at the heart of all the existential questions in life.

So many people assume that interacting with someone of a different faith will harm or damage their beliefs. I don’t know how many times I have encountered first year college students whose home churches gave them the parting words, “Don’t let that school take away your faith!” The recent movie, God’s Not Dead, only encourages that mindset of fear. The movie tells the fictitious story of a college student whose professor makes his class disavow the existence of God or fail the class. One young man refuses to do this, and thus is given the alternate assignment of convincing his classmates that God is not dead. If he cannot achieve this, then he will fail. The well-meaning church members who fear for the faith of their young ones heading to college certainly supported this movie.

A protectionist, defensive mindset prevents people from developing a mature and real faith. A good college education encourages a young adult to think for herself, to develop her own ideas, to explore a variety of facets from multiple perspectives. College is not a place out to destroy one’s faith. It’s a place where one has the opportunity to create a deep faith that has true meaning, and will provide a spiritual foundation for all the ups and downs each life carries.

Encountering people of a different faith in a meaningful way does not harm one’s faith, but actually makes it stronger. I love seeing a student explain her faith to someone else. When she does, she understands it more fully. It becomes much more her own, instead of something she simply inherited from her family. It excites me to see students find commonalities across faith traditions. They realize we oftentimes have more in common than we realize with a surface or misinformed understanding of a different tradition. And it thrills me to see students band together to make the world a better place.

Our world is so incredibly divided today. This division oftentimes comes from ignorance and misinformation. Archbishop Desmond Tutu once stated that college students are at the forefront of any real change in our world. Thousands and thousands of students across our country are leading that change today. They are wearing blue, signifying to all around them that they are taking a stand against religious intolerance and will find ways to live authentically in community with people of different faiths.

Thanks be for leadership of college students!

Divergent: A Mirror to the Soul

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My teenage daughter and I have read several books together in recent years. A while back, I handed her a copy of Divergent by Veronica Roth. We both enjoy books with a fantastical element, dystopian world views, and strong young women. My child believes that women are naturally strong, insightful, and independent. I am always thrilled to find books, movies, and television shows that encourage this belief.

A great deal has been written about this trilogy (the last book was published in recent weeks), and the first movie made a big splash over the weekend, starring Shailene Woodley and Theo James. Ava and I were part of the throngs who filled the theater seats Friday night. The basic story concerns a futuristic Chicago where society is divided into 5 factions – Abnegation (focused on serving others), Candor (valuing honesty above all else), Amity (where peace and happiness prevail), Erudite (the scholars who believe knowledge is most important), and Dauntless (the fearless, who are the soldiers of the society). At age 16, each member must choose a faction in which to live. Protagonist Tris Prior comes from Abnegation, but learns that she is actually Divergent – a hidden group who belong in more than one faction. The Divergent are a threat to society, and must cover who they are in order to survive. Tris chooses Dauntless, one of the factions for which she is most suited. As with many dystopian stories, there are people in power who abuse that responsibility, and seek to harm society. Tris is the young woman who fights for justice.

Ava and I had a good discussion about the changes from page to screen. They always necessarily exist, and sometimes those alterations are effective, and sometimes not. For the most part, I felt like the movie did a good job in this area. The differences maintained the essential story and the focus Roth created in her writing. One change in the movie actually struck me as far more effective than in the book.

Both the book and the movie begin with Tris and her mother, who is cutting her daughter’s dishwater hair in preparation for the choosing ceremony. Abnegation members keep mirrors hidden, only using them for special occasions, and then only briefly. They believe vanity is a trait which inhibits helping others. That, in and of itself, makes a vast statement in the age of the selfie.

Yet, the movie beautifully incorporates Tris’ reflection as an important symbol. Throughout the film, when Tris sees her own face (in a mirror, water, the back of a spoon), that is when she sees inside herself. She comes to know herself more fully, understands her capabilities, strengths, potential and power. She sees a mirror to her soul. This self-realization enables her to stand up against the powers that be, and to fight for the victims of this society.

God’s light shines in each one of us. Too many young women doubt their own intuition, what their soul is telling them. Instead of looking at themselves, they look to others (society, the media, boyfriends, fathers, the world of entertainment) to tell them who they are and how they can or should function in society. Tris is an example of trusting that light of God in the soul of each young woman, and knowing that great things will happen when they do.

Read the books. Go see the movie. Take a girl with you, and then have a good conversation.